What to do in the event of a Zombie Apocalypse

Ah. The eternal question. Everyone I meet seems to have a different plan. Some rush to protect their loved ones, some dream of acquiring chainsaws and slaughtering the undead legions, and some plan to go to the Isle of Man.

Luckily for the people without a plan, the wonderful people at the Centre for Disease Control sent me an email this morning.

The CDC provides information and resources for preparing for and responding to public health emergencies. CDC has created four badges that you can copy and paste into your website, social network profile, blog, or email to provide people with access to information on how to prepare for a zombie take over…

It’s true, the official government created survival guide talks the uneducated through the necessary steps in preparing to fight the horde. As grateful as I am for the CDC to dispense this information, I am sure that it will go largely unread and so I am doing my part to promote Zombie Awareness. Especially since I forgot to post on National Zombie Day.

If zombies did start roaming the streets, CDC would conduct an investigation much like any other disease outbreak. CDC would provide technical assistance to cities, states, or international partners dealing with a zombie infestation.

I remain skeptical however, surely the faceless organisation who creates the zombies will be the first on the scene to eradicate any and all evidence. It would be like the BP Oil Spill, except worse. And the news footage would be WAY more entertaining.

Oh, and to any fellow biochemists worrying that there might not be enough jobs for them in the future:

It’s likely that an investigation of this scenario would seek to accomplish several goals: determine the cause of the illness, the source of the infection/virus/toxin, learn how it is transmitted and how readily it is spread, how to break the cycle of transmission and thus prevent further cases, and how patients can best be treated.

My dream job just got advertised!

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